There are a set of shared experiences among the parents of children with Sensory Processing Disorder and there is comfort in knowing that you are not alone. As a parent of two and a psychologist who works with parents and children, I understand the unique set of challenges faced by families raising highly sensitive children.
The Highly Sensitive Child
The sensitive child is like a unique and multifaceted gem. This child shines brilliantly sometimes allowing you to see into the depth and clarity at the center, and at times reflecting you so intensely that you are called to see yourself in challenging and uncomfortable ways. At times, these children can project diamond quality strength. Other times, the intensity which with they feel the world can result in meltdowns and tantrums and we must help them through these scattered and intensely challenging moments. That is if we haven’t melted down right along with them! Helping the sensitive child make sense of their inner and outer world can take parents to and beyond their limits.
Raising a Child with Sensory Processing Disorder
There are a set of shared experiences among the parents of sensitive children and there is comfort in knowing that you are not alone in the challenges you are facing. Here is what parents of sensitive children often say:
- My daughter is different than other children.
- My 6 year-old son disrupts our home with his extreme meltdowns; he always needs to be the center of attention
- My spouse and I are fighting more and blaming each other for our child’s behavior
- Raising this child takes everything out of me! I’m exhausted and sometimes feel that I am not cut out for parenting.
Understanding Sensory Processing Disorder and Highly Sensitive Children
Once I understood Sensory Processing Disorder I finally had the information I needed to stop blaming myself or feeling as though I was crazy! My child was having a neurological “traffic jam” that was the invisible culprit behind her behavioral breakdowns and anxious approach to the world.
Technically, Sensory Processing Disorder and Highly Sensitive Children are two different but related conditions. Sensory Processing Disorder was first identified by A. Jean Ayres an occupational therapist who identified that some children over- or under-respond in one or multiple senses (e.g. tactile sensitivity, sound sensitivity, light sensitivity). The highly sensitive child is a related concept developed by Elaine Aron who describes these children as easily overwhelmed by high levels of stimulation, sudden changes, and the emotional distress of others.The sensory challenges shared by parents and children I work with include:
- My child says that most clothes hurt her. She will only wear two pairs of pants and I can barely get her to school in the mornings if those pants are not clean.
- If my child gets bumped while standing in line at school he reacts as if someone hit him purposely.
- There are sounds that I hardly notice but my child puts her hands to her ears in pain!
- We can’t go to the movies because my child feels everything so strongly like it is happening to him.
Guidance for Parents of Highly Sensitive Children
- Stop blaming yourself and/or your partner. Sensory processing challenges are real and require tremendous patience.
- Get a thorough assessment. Children with Sensory Processing Disorder often have other co-presenting neurodevelopmental challenges such as learning disorders (dyslexia), ADHD, autism, and anxiety. However, getting an accurate diagnosis is important as some children are inaccurately diagnosed with ADHD and are medicated unnecessarily.
- Trust your child! Highly sensitive children often also have a capacity for deep reflection and empathy when given the time to process their environment.
- Get down to their level. The language of the younger child is play. Most children with sensory challenges feel out of control much of the time. Let your child take the lead in imaginary play, allow yourself to follow, and give your child an experience of being in charge or his or her world.
Become your child’s emotional coach. Help older children talk about their feelings and reflect on what they are experiencing. Validate, reflect, and help them develop problem solving skills.- Repair your rocky moments. Reviewing our rough times involves admitting when we parents are not perfect and gives our children permission to make mistakes as well. Good-enough parenting involves ruptures and repair that allows everyone to learn from even our most challenging experiences.
- Get help. It takes a village and when it comes to raising the highly sensitive child build your team. Often a treatment team involves play therapy, occupational therapy, speech language, and parenting support. Find a support group or online forum to talk with other parents raising children with Sensory Processing Disorder. I am available to help.
Further reading:
We are reminded that at times that which we perceive as an obstacle is really a reminder of the importance of rest, slowing down, and the careful pacing that is needed to when moving through the disorientation of trauma or grief. This story also suggests that we cannot outrun or avoid reality as it is. Despite our need to feel powerful and in control there are life events that we have no control over. We cannot bring back a loved one who has died. We cannot reverse time. In these moments we are asked to surrender. There are also times in which we are asked to find our courage and strength. When dealing with grief and loss there is benefit in turning towards the pain, to feel what we perceive is unbearable, even if we are afraid that we will break in two. In these moments we may discover a new found strength, our courage, and a new sense of self more capable of living in this unpredictable yet exquisite life.
Marie’s Story* How 
